LISTS   THE 20 THINGS PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED BY WHEN THEY MOVE TO THE UNITED KINGDOM    By Fallows Mencken 

THE 20 THINGS PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED BY WHEN THEY MOVE TO THE UNITED KINGDOM   By Fallows Mencken 

 
1. Walking into a crowded train, restaurant or cafe and finding that it’s completely silent 
 
2. Emails for school events that tell you what time the bar opens 
 
3. Women will fuss over your dog, but not your baby 
 
4. It’s perfectly acceptable for anyone — even a surgeon or barrister — to get face down throw up drunk 
 
5. They have things called radio plays and if you suffer from insomia you should listen to them 
 
6. There is Hell and there is Luton Airport and if you're ever asked to choose between them - choose Hell  
 
7. The number of buildings named after totally inconsequential people. The Princess Margaret Hospital? Really?  
 
8. People flash their headlights to say thank you 
 
9. The roads are no wider than your leg and people are free to park on either side of them 
 
10. People saying 'bye' three or four times at the end of a phone conversation with each bye reaching a higher octave than the last 
 
11. Paying for parking everywhere you go. Sometimes you need exact change. Sometimes you need a phone app. Sometimes you call the number listed on the thing. Sometimes by the time you’ve called the number listed on the thing and gone through all the automated steps to pay you’ve already completed your errand and are back in the car 
 
12. Seriously — It is perfectly acceptable for anyone — even a surgeon or barrister — to get face down throw up drunk 
 
13. One day ever week the entire The House of Commons gets a little tipsy and then squanders an entire afternoon engaging in a one upsmanship of putdowns and witty insults 
 
14. The television is quiet. The radio is quiet. The train is quiet. The plane is quiet. The gift shop is quiet. The coffee shop is quiet. After six months…you’re quiet too 
 
15. Death penalty for murder? Never. For jumping the queue? Absolutely 
 
16. They have people called 'Chavs' and people called 'yobs' and people called 'Kevs' and I'm pretty sure they're all the same thing 
 
17. Definition of a salad: a testicle sized tomato resting inside the broken wing of a single piece of brown lettuce 
 
18. You might arrive at the A & E with a fractured leg and be told there are no wheelchairs available  
 
19. There's a guy over here named Prince Philip and he's 187 years old 
 
20. London is the greatest city in the world  
 
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