THE BRITISH TEN COMMANDMENTS   By Emily Stennis  

THE BRITISH TEN COMMANDMENTS   By Emily Stennis  

 
1. Thou shalt say 'bye' at least fourteen times before getting off the phone 
 
2. Thou shalt not take David Attenborough's name in vain 
 
3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s eye contact (or anyone else's either) 
 
4. Thou shalt not be able to define Irish Backstop, Customs Union, WTO Rules, Article 50, Single Market, Free Movement or European Union 
 
5. But thou shalt be able to identify the entire cast of Love Island and that twat from Top Gear 
 
6. When thou is at Cafe Nero or Costa Coffee thou shalt always clear away the previous person’s filthy mugs and snotty napkins because apparently nobody the fuck else will 
 
7. Thou shalt not kill (unless some wankface jumps the queue) 
 
8. Thou shalt obey the NHS recommendations and not trouble them with colds, sprained ankles, pneumonia, broken legs, appendectomies, depression, childbirth, schizophrenia, heart attacks or brain cancer 
 
9. Whilst thou is making dinner for nine people on Christmas Day thou shalt be polite and not get off the phone with the telemarketer selling some bullshit thou does not need or understand 
 
10. Thou shall avoid being rude and buy the shit anyway 
"Celebrating the unbearable misery of British life" 
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