Is that Britain is crap
And unless you’re deaf and blind and haven’t left your caravan in the last 75 years you know full well this thing cannot be turned around
Because turning it around requires optimism, a can do attitude and the ambition to change things for the better
Do the Brits have these qualities?
Did Princess Margaret have a functioning lung?
There you go
Fuck it - let’s toss another beer bottle out the window, park on the pavement and block two driveways, flick a lit cigarette in the direction of that crippled pensioner.
Fill up the tank with some forty pound a gallon lung cancer inducing diesel fuel
Call in sick, stay on your rented sofa for nine straight hours, watching Love Island, stuffing your tattooed face with Valiums and doughnut holes
The Daily Mail!
Pulling this nation deeper and deeper into a sinkhole of mindless decadence
Polluted air, shovel
Another undiagnosed cancer, shovel
Digging ourselves a grave in the cold wet cemetery of failed, forgotten powers
An R2-D2 tattoo on your shin?
Spend a week’s pay on a hundred and thirty Robbie Williams bobble heads?
Gareth Southgate’s waistcoat! Brooklyn Beckham’s knit cap! The Bake Off! Top Gear! Did you see? Prince Philip looks like a walking cadaver! Benedict Cumberfuck got engaged to some woman I’ll be googling for the next forty five hours! I heard Graham Norton might shave his beard!
And you ask about a solution?
There are 65 million people on this island and as I write this very sentence all but nine of them are vomiting bangers and beer into a bucket full of suds
And this is a Wednesday
My advice to you is this: do not trouble yourself with serious questions as to whether or not this sinking shithole excuse for a nation can be turned around
Forget all that…
And stumble on up to the nearest train station. Sit down on one of those piss soaked benches, crack open a fifth of Hennessy and wait for the next train to arrive, which should be sometime in the late summer of 2024, when this nation’s long steady decline will reach its glorious, inevitable end
God Save Romeo Beckham