10 HARD TRUTHS OF BRITISH LIFE   By Fallows Mencken 

1. Prince Phillip will live forever 
2. And you won’t 
3. The sun will rise. The sun will set. And the nearest Toby Carvery will always give you butt cancer 
4. You won’t hold that Ms. Pac Man record forever 
5. We don't know who it's going to be. But we do know the next prime minister will be an total wankface.  
6. We'll always be able to smell Slough from Charing Cross station. And vice versa 
7. At some point in the near future, every single Brit under the age of forty will have at least nine and a half tattoos 
8. Financial Times: “72 million Brits….73 million Pret a Mangers” 
9. January 5, 2072 - The Telegraph: “Aides to Prime Minister Brooklyn Beckham deny reports that B-Beck's Fortnite addiction distracts from Brexit negotiations.  
10. United Kingdom officially changes name to Love Island 
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