1. You bought a Range Rover. Good move. But you opted for white (oops) and tinted windows (double oops)
2. You refer to the old caravan you keep in your cousin's garage near Blackpool as your 'house in the country'
3. You tell people you're mates with Prince Andrew ("You know, the Duke of Bork")
4. You've hired a hypnotist to help you stop saying "Hiya!"
5. You try to posh up your news diet by switching from the Daily Mirror to the Daily Mail
6. Gigantic BARBOUR tags hanging from your jacket, key chain, rucksack, scarf and glasses.
7. Hiya (Dammit!)
8. You go to the John Lewis electronics department and say you'd like to buy a Radio 4
9. Silver wellies!
10. Your last name is Jones but tell people it's pronounced OWN ("the J and the S are silent")
11. People ask where you went to university and you say 'Oxford' and then bury the 'Brookes' with a cough (click here)
12. Personalised number plate: OWN
13. You want people to think your father was a barrister but mistakingly always say bannister ("Well, me Dad was a bannister - so I know a thing or two about...")
14. Hiya! (Oh man this hypnotist is such a waste of money)
15. First born son: Barbour Wellies Jones VIII
16. Speaking of money. You tell everybody how much you make and always follow it up with a 'ching ching' (and occasionally an unrequited fist bump)
17. "I love listening to the Shipping Forecast. I have all their albums"
18. New signature - "Dean Wellies Jones, KFC"